Hesitation

I am feeling hesitant today. It’s an odd feeling, and I don’t like it. Welcome to Monday, by the way. Let’s talk about how hesitant I am before I hesitate anymore.

There are so many things I would like to talk about today. There are so many things I also don’t want to talk about today. I would like to tell you about how busy the past week has been for very good reasons. I want to tell you about driving to Waterford, then to Cork, and then back to Waterford. I want to tell you all about the exciting musical projects my friends are working on right now. I want to share, and also somewhat tease, what I've been working on creatively lately. The problem is, I don’t feel like I am in the right headspace at the moment.

I think a lot of the hesitation comes from the need for perfection. I sat at this desk, where I write most of the blogs on here, this morning. From the moment I sat down, I realised that I am tired today. I realised that I have a lot going on in my head at the moment. Some of it is good, and some of it is bad. I realised that if I try to write and publish something by 5 pm today, it will most likely not be up to standard. I wouldn’t be proud of it. It would be nonsense because I didn’t wake up early today, rearing to go and be the most creatively enthusiastic Fin I could be. I slept in, watched TV with a cup of coffee, and didn’t get my act together until late morning. The magic has gone. Not entirely. This is not me saying the blog is going on hiatus… again. I know that these words will be published, and it will at least look like the same Monday blog you see here on (most) Mondays.

Hesitation is the word I am going with. I could call it perfectionism; I could call it procrastination. I could call it resistance. I am reading Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art at the moment, and that is what he calls it. The reason hesitation came to mind was that I knew I would overthink and maybe just throw in the towel for today. The reason being I don’t know what will happen when I get stuck in. Whether or not I would interrupt myself or be interrupted by others. But then I stopped myself and said I may as well just start.

Well, there you have it. That’s the blog for today. I may just about get it up to 500 words if I keep telling you about how I am trying to make these blogs longer. I am going to go start looking after myself a bit more, and hopefully the blog will get better soon. Thank you for reading whatever happens to precede these last few words. Also, thank you for your time.