Feck it.

I have had an odd sense of motivation this morning. For a creative like me, it’s not easy to come by. Let’s digest that together, shall we? Welcome to Monday, by the way. Let’s talk about saying “feck it”.

Not to scare you (or myself for that matter), but we have more behind us month-wise this year than we do ahead of us. The year is flying by. For most of the year, things have kept at a gradual pace for me. I hate to sound complacent, but that is okay with me. I say all this after a lot of reflection recently.

I haven’t always been okay with it. There have been many days when I wished everything would just “happen already”. Things were starting to feel repetitive and stale. By “things” I mean my day-to-day life and how I was spending my time being what I thought was productive. I don’t think I was as productive as I was telling myself I was. I didn’t need to tell myself because deep down I knew I wasn’t.

It is a strange feeling to know what you should do to feel like you are following the right path for you, and then only doing it half-heartedly. We all have those voices, both internal and external, that try to tell us what they think we should focus our attention on. Since I’m a polite Boi, I have spent a lot of energy listening to both and trying to convince myself that I can do both. It turns out that both sides have good arguments, and I should take what I can from either side. Instead of ignoring everything and saying I can’t do X because Y is more important and there isn’t enough time, I said: “feck it, there is.”

The motivation hit I had this morning could be due to a number of things. Without trying to sound hippy dippy, a lot of it comes from this “feck it” mentality I had when faced with all the things I wanted to get done today, mixed with the things I had to do. I realised that a younger, less knowledgeable me would start making excuses for not doing what I wanted to do today because all the other things that needed to be done would take up too much time, and the whole day would be a write-off.

There have been tasks on my list (which I have talked about ad nauseum) that I have needed to do, but also wanted to do, for a long time. I always knew that getting them done would make me feel better, but I still didn’t follow through. This morning, I said, “feck it” and decided that today I wouldn’t ignore the important tasks, but I also wouldn’t ignore the things I would like to do in favour of the other tasks. This is the closest thing to work/life balance that I have experienced in a while.

I hope that this newfound motivation will keep my spirits up. A lot of this year has been met with frustration and a negativity bias. For creatives, Steven Pressfield would call what I am experiencing “The Resistance”. It's from his book The War of Art, which I have been meaning to finally start reading this summer. Maybe I will say “feck it” later and start today.

Thank you for reading. Stay tuned for some fiction later this week, as well as an announcement of sorts. Thank you for your time.